Funny 12 Days of Christmas Song Irish

Christmas Countdown

Frank Kelly

Year:

1996

5:27

11,508Views

Playlists:

#36

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Day One Dear Nuala, Thank you very much for your lovely present of a partridge in a pear-tree  We're getting the hang of feeding the partridge now,  Although it was difficult at first to win its confidence  It bit the mother rather badly on the hand  But they're good friends now and we're keeping the pear-tree indoors in a bucket  Thank you again  Yours affectionately, Gobnait O'Lúnasa  Day Two Dear Nuala, I cannot tell you how surprised we were to hear from you so soon again and to receive your lovely present of two turtle doves  You really are too kind  At first the partridge was very jealous  And suspicious of the doves and they had a terrible row the night the doves arrived  We had to send for the vet but the birds are okay again  And the stitches are due to some out in a week or two  The vet's bill was 8 but the mother is over her annoyance now  And the doves and the partridge are watching the telly from the pear-tree as I write Yours ever, Gobnait   Day Three Dear Nuala,  We must be foremost in your thoughts  I had only posted my letter when the three French hens arrived  There was another sort-out between the hens and the doves,  Who sided with the partridge, and the vet had to be sent for again  The mother was raging because the bill was 16 this time  But she has almost cooled down  However, the fact that the birds' droppings keep falling down  On her hair whilen she's watching the telly, doesn't help matters  Thanking you for your kindness  I remain, your Gobnait  Day Four Dear Nuala, You mustn't have received my last letter when you were sending us the four calling birds There was pandemonium in the pear-tree again last night and the vet's bill was 32  The mother is on sedation as I write  I know you meant no harm and remain your close friend  Gobnauit  Day Five Nuala,  Your generosity knows no bounds  Five gold rings! When the parcel arrived I was scared stiff that it might be more birds, because the smell in the living-room is atrocious  However, I don't want to seem ungrateful for the beautiful rings  Your affectionate friend, Gobnait  Day Six Nuala, What are you trying to do to us? It isn't that we don't appreciate your generosity  But the six geese have not alone nearly murdered the calling birds  But they laid their eggs on top of the vet's head  From the pear-tree and his bill was 68 in cash !  My mother is munching 60 grains of Valium a day  And talking to herself in a most alarming way  You must keep your feelings for me in check  Gobnait  Day Seven Nuala, We are not amused by your little joke  Seven swans-a-swimming is a most romantic idea but not in the bath of a private house  We cannot use the bathroom now because they've gone completely savage  And rush the door every time we try to enter  If things go on this way, the mother and I will smell as bad as the living-room carpet Please lay off It is not fair  Gobnait  Day Eight Nuala, Who the hell do you think gave you the right to send eight,  Hefty maids-a-milking here, to eat us out of house and home?  Their cattle are all over the front lawn  And have trampled the hell out of the mother's rose-beds  The swans invaded the living-room in a sneak attack  And the ensuing battle between them and the calling birds,  Turtle doves, French hens and partridge make the battle  Of the Somme seem like Wanderly Wagon  The mother is on a bottle of whiskey a day, as well as the sixty grains of Valium  I'm very annoyed with you  Gobnait  Day Nine Listen you looser! There's enough pandemonium in this place night and day without nine drummers drumming, while the eight flaming maids-a-milking are beating my poor, old alcoholic mother out of her own kitchen and gobbling everything in sight  I'm warning you, you're making an enemy of me  Gobnait  Day Ten Listen manure-face, I hope you'll be haunted by the strains of ten pipers piping  Which you sent to torment us last night  They were aided in their evil work by those maniac drummers  And it wasn't a pleasant sight to look out the window  And see eight hefty maids-a-milking pogo-ing around with the ensuing punk-rock uproar  My mother has just finished her third bottle of whiskey,  On top of a hundred and twenty four grains of Valium  You'll get yours!  Gobnait O'Lúnasa  Day Eleven You have scandalized my mother, you dirty Jezebel, It was bad enough to have eight maids-a-milking dancing to punk music on the front lawn but they've now been joined by your friends the eleven Lords-a-leaping  And the antics of the whole lot of them would leave  The most decadent days of the Roman Empire looking like Outlook  I'll get you yet, you loud bag!   Day Twelve Listen slurry head, You have ruined our lives  The twelve maidens dancing turned up last night  And beat the living daylights out of the eight maids-a-milking,  'Cause they found them carrying on with the eleven Lords-a-leaping  Meanwhile, the swans got out of the living-room,  Where they'd been hiding since the big battle,  And savaged hell out of the Lords and all the Maids  There were eight ambulances here last night, and the local Civil Defence as well  The mother is in a home for the bewildered  And I'm sitting here, up to my neck in birds' droppings, empty whiskey  And Valium bottles, birds' blood and feathers,  While the flaming cows eat the leaves off the pear-tree  I'm a broken man

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Written by: FRANK KELLY, JIM DOHERTY

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Christmas Countdown

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"We're walking on air, we're taking our time. But God only knows this isn't reason or rhyme" are lyrics from which O.M.D. song?

• A.Enola Gay

• B.Telegraph

• C.Silent Running

• D.Tesla Girls

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